Lori’s blog entry for the 28th was powerful. I have recently felt so empowered by this newfound confidence in myself and this new body and energy awareness. I think about my project, I feel like it will happen. No one can stop me and it is what I am meant to do. But there are times where a thought crosses my mind and it goes like: " but what if you fail. What if you are being over optimistic and you end up alone and embarrassed?" I hate those thoughs. They are counter to the initial feeling of beauty and love, and brilliance. Today I was talking to a friend who was sharing a fear, the fear that if she lets her higher self lead the way, she will get really hurt, at the best, but she really believe that she might die. She knows that she will die if she does not follow her high self but yet, it’s much more comforting to go with some thing that she is use to. I know that she won’t die if she trust herself, I even can’t wait to be in the presence of her brilliance. What is the fear for some of us that stops us from believing in our self 100%. See, when I feel someone doesn't believe in me 100%, I can see now that it is because I don't believe in myself 100%. Maybe 95%. Enough to get me on track and make significant changes. But what if I believed in myself 100%. Would that be dangerous? Would I be in danger of hurting people? of hurting my self. Might I die? There is always a doubt in my mind. That 5% that says: "If it doesn't work out, come back to me, I will take care of you. I will keep you asleep so it doesn’t hurt." Really, like a safety net. I want to let go of that 5 %. I know I won’t die, but maybe I will be lost in chaos for a while. Can I live with that.... breathe... I can.
If I am to teach kids to believe in themselves 100% of the time, I better do it for myself first.
I am embracing chaos, the chaos inside me. My chaos. My beautiful creativity. Beautiful me!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Thank you Anne for your blog entry. It really hit home when I read your words (in my voice) "when I feel someone doesn't believe in me 100%, I can see now that it is because I don't believe in myself 100%".
This is it... dare I go big, bigger than I allow myself now? I had the experience in November at Oceanstone when I allowed my signal # 1 to fully enter into my SELF... and although the feeling was immense, huge, fulfilling, and peaceful... I also scared myself that day with my rage, my energy, and the knowing I AM...
I since that day, I have held myself back... just a little bit, just enough that I don't freak myself out, yet by not living up to my ultimate potential I allow room for doubt. And that does not serve me well. No longer, your words certainly brought that home to me right now, and I thank you.
Long comment, sorry, I'm going to cut & paste this in a post on my blog... your words really resonated.
Thank you!
Hi Anne,
I've been reading along with interest and admiration. I wanted to let you know that you have been instrumental in inspiring my return to blogging!
Even more than that, when I read your words I am reminded of your presence at Oceanstone - soft, strong and undeniable. Your love of language echoes my own and I share what I will call your sense of wonderment, for lack of a better desciption. Strength within vulnerability are the words that swim below the surface for me.
Thanks for sharing!
Anita
Post a Comment