I am “Feeling” more than usual today. With deep, deep breaths, I feel emotions and sensations all over the tissue of my body. I feel everything raw. I just let it happen, I let it all flow all the way down to my core. I don't try to find what it means or what it will bring because it will come, in due time.
I feel different than yesterday, I feel more and more clear about what I want to do. I am letting go of the past, of old goals and aspirations that no longer fit my beliefs and values. I am remembering the original goal, the primary mission.
I was supposed to teach an intensive French class this summer at Acadia University. I was looking forward to the financial benefit of it but at the same time, I felt that it would be a few wasted weeks, now that I am speeding up on my own unique path. I knew I would have been able to be myself in the classroom but I would have been easily persuaded by my olds habits to use my mind more than my heart. I was supposed to start at the end of August and yesterday, they called me to tell me that the class was cancelled, that not enough people had registered. It's funny because a week before, they ask me if I wanted to teach a second intensive this summer because they were missing a teacher. After a hard time making up my mind, I decided that if the reason I would be taking the job was just for the money, then I shouldn’t, even if my mind was saying "are you crazy" So now, instead of two contracts this summer, I have zero... and all that time. Look at how I created this reality for myself.
I started doing some breathing and meditation. It felt to me that I would not be able to compress space and time and manifest what I wanted if I followed an external structure and timeline, like the one the university would provide.
At this moment, I feel like I am on a good path. I feel lost at times but I trust that state of being because it has proven me that something wonderful and meaningful is on the other side.
I feel a great sense of hope and love for my and all of humanity's future as I watch the LIVE Earth concert. I notice that artists who are engaged in there signing are moving people, and that when you can see the passion for what they are saying and signing, it's contagious. It makes me want to be impeccable with my words and always speak from a place of Love and Self.
Watching the concert in different cities all around the world, I know that we are all connected, that we are all the same and speaking the same language. I can see the world I envision and dream of forming little by little, but faster and faster and I am so grateful and excited to be part of this incredible ride. I know that we need to come together but before, it’s necessary to look inside and find ourselves. We need to share our unique gifts and talents, speak our truth, and then we can see how we are the same. We all come from the same source, from an intention of deep love.
Human beings have an immense and endless capacity to love. I truly believe that and I see it everywhere, more and more, in people’s eyes.
I feel the earth
I feel the hurt
but most of all
I fell you
The intensity of your love
your desire for connection
I see your light
I see you bright
I want to return to basics. There is so many things I have that I don’t need, things that sustain the illusion. Not just physical things but thoughts, beliefs, filters, opinions, judgment…
I want to feel more.
I want to feel. Feel, feel, feel… NOW!
Breath…
Saturday, July 7, 2007
Monday, July 2, 2007
Fabulous thoughts, measured life
Here is one more thing. At this moment it feels like it’s ok for me to live my life authentically, as long as the person that will have to deal with my mistakes is only me. That would imply that I will make mistakes. Maybe I should think of them not so much as mistakes but as explorations. But what if my choices of taking the road less traveled and engaging with my son in new, unproven ways proved to be detrimental to him? I mean, for example when it comes to food, how far can I go in trusting our natural rhythms without affecting his health?
That is a big question of trust and I am glad I am visiting this question at this point in my life. I feel that in order for me to live truly authentically, I have to be extreme in other people’s eyes. I was taught to stay in the middle, to not be extreme in anything. Extreme was dangerous because I might end up not fitting in, or alone.
To live My life, I need to live at the extreme end of my beliefs. If I desire a fabulous life and have extravagant thoughts, I can’t start measuring my thoughts, my words, my feelings. I am extravagant, I am the sun. I am not measured and reasonable.
That is a big question of trust and I am glad I am visiting this question at this point in my life. I feel that in order for me to live truly authentically, I have to be extreme in other people’s eyes. I was taught to stay in the middle, to not be extreme in anything. Extreme was dangerous because I might end up not fitting in, or alone.
To live My life, I need to live at the extreme end of my beliefs. If I desire a fabulous life and have extravagant thoughts, I can’t start measuring my thoughts, my words, my feelings. I am extravagant, I am the sun. I am not measured and reasonable.
Little mirrors
I wonder to what extent my son is a reflection of me.
I have been spending most of my time with my 2 year old son. I have been busy writing my thesis these past months that I just recently notice how much he had changed and I felt like I had missed out on his growth. Not that I need to be there for every moment, but I did create him and I feel like he can teach me a lot.. about myself. And he is such a joy to be with.
So I stayed at home with him for the last 7 days. I knew I needed to change my priorities and the way I go about my day. I wanted to see what would happened if I just followed his rhythm, do everything he wanted to do, inspire him to discover new things and just 'be' with him. When I follow his rhythm, I came to realize that there is nothing to fight against. And not just that, but I discovered new things. We went for a walk in the forest and I let him lead the way. Immediately, he chose to go off the path, into the rough, and we discovered enchanting new water streams and big mossy boulders that I didn't know were there. We laid on the grass, look at the sky, played with a few bugs... it really was much more pleasant than our usual walks on the 'path'.
Because I had made the decision to 'be' with him, I think he knew that I didn't have anything urgent to do so he would not want to leave the beach or the forest until he was completely done. Often, I would get the feeling that I wasn't very productive and that I should be working on more important things. Even if I had made the conscious decision to be with him for the week, old habits were knocking on my door for the entire week. Sometimes, it would be so great that I would break down and cry. I felt like I was wasting time and that is unacceptable in my old model of the world. When I would try to skip out to my computer to read or write, I felt like he knew if I was doing it to escape something or if it truly was important. It drove me crazy some times because he would not give me a break from just “being’’. I wonder how much we put our children in daycares and schools just because we can’t handle the reflection of our own selves.
I started to wonder to what extent my son’s own rhythm is a mirror for my own? If the source is more evolved and he is still so young with very little cultural conditioning, he must be wiser than I can imagine. He would only know the natural rhythm of life because he lives completely in his body. I wonder to what extent I could still be productive, healthy, happy, and do the work I want to do, if I had him all the time with me?
The thought seems crazy to me right now but I can sense a certain wisdom in it. I will continue to explore that.
The past week, I have found myself in interesting social situations. As I live my truth in my daily life, I found myself talking to more people and creating situations (out of my awareness) that help me discover more about the work I want to do with children and parents. At first, when I realized that the people I was interacting with were not familiar at all with my views of education, I started to doubt the value of what I want to bring to the world. After a few waves, I came to realize that I have to be in situation where people are not familiar or how am I suppose to make a difference? For so long, I have been seeking people that think like me,... well, except for a very few people and a few books, I wasn't being truly myself when I was in conversations with most people I met. Like Louise says in her blog, it's easy to preach to the converted.
This is a whole new way of going through the world for me. And I need to breath....
I helped out a friend on Friday evening, bartending for an event, and I forgot to breath for 5 hours. Wow, do I ever regret that. I felt hung-over (I didn't drink) the day after, I just wanted to sleep and there was my son, wanting a new adventure... I thought I was going to die. I don't know yet what kind of lesson that was but maybe something about how should not engage in activities where I will find it to hard to be my authentic self.
Something else came up this past week with my son. The whole issue around food and meals. The three meals a day, whoever invented that? I feel like trying to feed a child at specific times and specific foods that we think are good for them, is creating some sort of addiction. I notice that my son is very happy drinking juice, milk and water all day with fruits and a few veggies. I wonder how much creating pressure around eating at that young age creates addiction to food later?
And as we evolve, and our vibrations become higher, how much food do we really need? Is it even a need?
I have been spending most of my time with my 2 year old son. I have been busy writing my thesis these past months that I just recently notice how much he had changed and I felt like I had missed out on his growth. Not that I need to be there for every moment, but I did create him and I feel like he can teach me a lot.. about myself. And he is such a joy to be with.
So I stayed at home with him for the last 7 days. I knew I needed to change my priorities and the way I go about my day. I wanted to see what would happened if I just followed his rhythm, do everything he wanted to do, inspire him to discover new things and just 'be' with him. When I follow his rhythm, I came to realize that there is nothing to fight against. And not just that, but I discovered new things. We went for a walk in the forest and I let him lead the way. Immediately, he chose to go off the path, into the rough, and we discovered enchanting new water streams and big mossy boulders that I didn't know were there. We laid on the grass, look at the sky, played with a few bugs... it really was much more pleasant than our usual walks on the 'path'.
Because I had made the decision to 'be' with him, I think he knew that I didn't have anything urgent to do so he would not want to leave the beach or the forest until he was completely done. Often, I would get the feeling that I wasn't very productive and that I should be working on more important things. Even if I had made the conscious decision to be with him for the week, old habits were knocking on my door for the entire week. Sometimes, it would be so great that I would break down and cry. I felt like I was wasting time and that is unacceptable in my old model of the world. When I would try to skip out to my computer to read or write, I felt like he knew if I was doing it to escape something or if it truly was important. It drove me crazy some times because he would not give me a break from just “being’’. I wonder how much we put our children in daycares and schools just because we can’t handle the reflection of our own selves.
I started to wonder to what extent my son’s own rhythm is a mirror for my own? If the source is more evolved and he is still so young with very little cultural conditioning, he must be wiser than I can imagine. He would only know the natural rhythm of life because he lives completely in his body. I wonder to what extent I could still be productive, healthy, happy, and do the work I want to do, if I had him all the time with me?
The thought seems crazy to me right now but I can sense a certain wisdom in it. I will continue to explore that.
The past week, I have found myself in interesting social situations. As I live my truth in my daily life, I found myself talking to more people and creating situations (out of my awareness) that help me discover more about the work I want to do with children and parents. At first, when I realized that the people I was interacting with were not familiar at all with my views of education, I started to doubt the value of what I want to bring to the world. After a few waves, I came to realize that I have to be in situation where people are not familiar or how am I suppose to make a difference? For so long, I have been seeking people that think like me,... well, except for a very few people and a few books, I wasn't being truly myself when I was in conversations with most people I met. Like Louise says in her blog, it's easy to preach to the converted.
This is a whole new way of going through the world for me. And I need to breath....
I helped out a friend on Friday evening, bartending for an event, and I forgot to breath for 5 hours. Wow, do I ever regret that. I felt hung-over (I didn't drink) the day after, I just wanted to sleep and there was my son, wanting a new adventure... I thought I was going to die. I don't know yet what kind of lesson that was but maybe something about how should not engage in activities where I will find it to hard to be my authentic self.
Something else came up this past week with my son. The whole issue around food and meals. The three meals a day, whoever invented that? I feel like trying to feed a child at specific times and specific foods that we think are good for them, is creating some sort of addiction. I notice that my son is very happy drinking juice, milk and water all day with fruits and a few veggies. I wonder how much creating pressure around eating at that young age creates addiction to food later?
And as we evolve, and our vibrations become higher, how much food do we really need? Is it even a need?
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Redefining education
A very important important thing for me is that children are guided to see the brilliance and the love that they are and to engage life from that place, from that inner truth. In order for that to happen, we, the parents, need to see our own brilliance. Only then will we be able to see it in our children.
When a child is allowed and invited to explore the magnitude of his true self, with no restrictions, opportunities for learning will present themselves naturally. The parents (teachers) need to draw on this natural rhythm and go with that flow. Human beings are curious in nature. The desire to learn is innate in all of us. But we have been thought that learning, education, and parenting need to happen a certain way, following a certain pre-establish structure. I propose we redefine learning by first of all considering education and parenting differently than we have been in the past decades. In my opinion, they are both part of living and shouldn’t be considered separately. One other thing I invite us to reconsider is how learning happens. Instead of thinking of it as the content to be learned has to come from an outside source, like a teacher or a book, what if all that needed to be learned stemmed from inside the child and all the teacher had to do is to create a space for that learning to unfold on it’s own terms? What if we replaced lessons with inspirations and outcomes with personal truths? Because in my experience, when initiated and engaged by the students, learning happens at quantum speed and joy and meaning are constants in the process. It is time we redefine Education for ourselves, for our children. Old habits and ways of doing need to be left in the past and a new a approach needs to be considered, one that reflects the brilliance of our children and the magnificence that we has human being are. Our children are brilliant and they are Love. Lets let them lead the way into a new area. We need it more than ever.
When a child is allowed and invited to explore the magnitude of his true self, with no restrictions, opportunities for learning will present themselves naturally. The parents (teachers) need to draw on this natural rhythm and go with that flow. Human beings are curious in nature. The desire to learn is innate in all of us. But we have been thought that learning, education, and parenting need to happen a certain way, following a certain pre-establish structure. I propose we redefine learning by first of all considering education and parenting differently than we have been in the past decades. In my opinion, they are both part of living and shouldn’t be considered separately. One other thing I invite us to reconsider is how learning happens. Instead of thinking of it as the content to be learned has to come from an outside source, like a teacher or a book, what if all that needed to be learned stemmed from inside the child and all the teacher had to do is to create a space for that learning to unfold on it’s own terms? What if we replaced lessons with inspirations and outcomes with personal truths? Because in my experience, when initiated and engaged by the students, learning happens at quantum speed and joy and meaning are constants in the process. It is time we redefine Education for ourselves, for our children. Old habits and ways of doing need to be left in the past and a new a approach needs to be considered, one that reflects the brilliance of our children and the magnificence that we has human being are. Our children are brilliant and they are Love. Lets let them lead the way into a new area. We need it more than ever.
Monday, June 25, 2007
I got back to my Yoga practice this morning and it felt amazing. I feel it helps me move things. As we chant and breath through the poses, I am aware of my higher-self downloading into my body and I can feel different sensations.
My Yoga teacher is wonderful. She is so present to herself that the unfolding of the session operates like an organic entity. It looks to me like she is aware of our energy field and can feel what we need and she just engages. She trusts the moment and it works. She is a model for me how when you are fully present to yourself, work becomes effortless and ever so meaningful for others.
I want to work with Huna. I would like to go to Kauai, very soon, and experience Huna in a way that would allow me to create the experience for others. I think it would bring out the Love in me even more.
I returned to writing my book today and it feels to me like the words are flowing more effortlessly. I also became aware of the end of the book and the beginning of a new one. Seeing the end of it will accelerate the completion of it.
I made a choice, just after stepping out of the program last week. I decided that I want to engage every moment of my life with my body fully present and mindful of the immense sun that I am. It seems to mean that more and more opportunities to decloak and release stored emotion present themselves to me. Some situations are bringing up information I have been avoiding for a long time and when I choose to engage differently, it profoundly affects the world around me. I know it's all good but I also know that there are a lot of people that are not ready for the intense burst of light that I bring. The difference with before is that I seem to have lost the dimmer. It is permanently on full blast. And that has profound consequences.
Something to think about.
My Yoga teacher is wonderful. She is so present to herself that the unfolding of the session operates like an organic entity. It looks to me like she is aware of our energy field and can feel what we need and she just engages. She trusts the moment and it works. She is a model for me how when you are fully present to yourself, work becomes effortless and ever so meaningful for others.
I want to work with Huna. I would like to go to Kauai, very soon, and experience Huna in a way that would allow me to create the experience for others. I think it would bring out the Love in me even more.
I returned to writing my book today and it feels to me like the words are flowing more effortlessly. I also became aware of the end of the book and the beginning of a new one. Seeing the end of it will accelerate the completion of it.
I made a choice, just after stepping out of the program last week. I decided that I want to engage every moment of my life with my body fully present and mindful of the immense sun that I am. It seems to mean that more and more opportunities to decloak and release stored emotion present themselves to me. Some situations are bringing up information I have been avoiding for a long time and when I choose to engage differently, it profoundly affects the world around me. I know it's all good but I also know that there are a lot of people that are not ready for the intense burst of light that I bring. The difference with before is that I seem to have lost the dimmer. It is permanently on full blast. And that has profound consequences.
Something to think about.
Hard conversation
I was just in a conversation with my husband about how he whish there was more flow in his business. It feels very dense right now for him. I spoke my truth and I found it hard to stay in the conversation. My throat was closing, my stomach was in knots. I relaxed into it and continued to tell him that I thought he should consider allowing his emotions to flow through him in order for him to allow for new thoughts to come about.
He left, saying he was tired and I felt like I had failed. He doesn't want to open the floodgate and I don't blame him. But now I wonder if I should have just listen instead of offering him the space to consider differently how his body works.
As I relax into the tears that come with the feeling of failure, I know something new will emerge on the other side of the breath...
He left, saying he was tired and I felt like I had failed. He doesn't want to open the floodgate and I don't blame him. But now I wonder if I should have just listen instead of offering him the space to consider differently how his body works.
As I relax into the tears that come with the feeling of failure, I know something new will emerge on the other side of the breath...
Sunday, June 24, 2007
No stories
I didn't know that when I paint with my fingers, I create something more appealing, meaningful, and interesting than when I use a brush. My body contains so many mysteries and information it wants to express and demonstrate. It is another example on how my body knows more than my brain. “Don’t do it the way it’s suppose to be, do it the way it feels good.” I just painted a SUN and it looks nothing like what I had in mind. It’s way more vibrant.
I was talking to a friend this afternoon and instead of listen to the content of the stories she was telling about her sadness, I was looking out for her brilliance to peek out and when it would, I used that to guide her to herself. It was a neat feeling to be able to stay in a conversation that was going to make her grow rather than just validate what she was feeling. She is a person that came into my life recently and she reminds me of me at the end of high school. She cares so much about what other people think of her and she works so hard to be accepted and loved by people that she thinks are superior to her but really, who are just reflecting her own insecurities. I use to make myself crazy and sick wanting everyone to like me. I was digging a whole for myself. I was never satisfied and I never truly connected with people.
I am amaze at the power of not telling stories, not talking about the past, to be in the moment and only seeing the now as important. It's a life changer that one. I guess I feel now that not only do I have nothing to loose but the past and so much to gain, myself. With the glimpse of my higher self, the SUN that I am, I know how it feels in my body to be truly connected and I want that to be my everyday life. Being in the moment and not telling stories is what is going to help me live connected everyday.
I saw this afternoon how easy it is to help someone see the light in them self when I stay in the present. It's literally like I can’t hear the stories, the content anyway, but when the higher self peaks through, it's like a contagious ray that goes straight to my soul and I pick it up.
I am more confident in my abilities as a "healer" or a guide, I am not sure which word is best. I know that just being myself in the present will help people. I am the SUN therefore I shine. By shinning, I invite and allow others to see the SUN that they are. Because in my mind, everyone is LOVE.
I want to work with pregnant woman and mothers of very young children.
I will create opportunities for pregnant woman and mothers of young children to experience the immensity of who they are, and guide them in seeing for themselves how they can provide an open environment for there children.
I was talking to a friend this afternoon and instead of listen to the content of the stories she was telling about her sadness, I was looking out for her brilliance to peek out and when it would, I used that to guide her to herself. It was a neat feeling to be able to stay in a conversation that was going to make her grow rather than just validate what she was feeling. She is a person that came into my life recently and she reminds me of me at the end of high school. She cares so much about what other people think of her and she works so hard to be accepted and loved by people that she thinks are superior to her but really, who are just reflecting her own insecurities. I use to make myself crazy and sick wanting everyone to like me. I was digging a whole for myself. I was never satisfied and I never truly connected with people.
I am amaze at the power of not telling stories, not talking about the past, to be in the moment and only seeing the now as important. It's a life changer that one. I guess I feel now that not only do I have nothing to loose but the past and so much to gain, myself. With the glimpse of my higher self, the SUN that I am, I know how it feels in my body to be truly connected and I want that to be my everyday life. Being in the moment and not telling stories is what is going to help me live connected everyday.
I saw this afternoon how easy it is to help someone see the light in them self when I stay in the present. It's literally like I can’t hear the stories, the content anyway, but when the higher self peaks through, it's like a contagious ray that goes straight to my soul and I pick it up.
I am more confident in my abilities as a "healer" or a guide, I am not sure which word is best. I know that just being myself in the present will help people. I am the SUN therefore I shine. By shinning, I invite and allow others to see the SUN that they are. Because in my mind, everyone is LOVE.
I want to work with pregnant woman and mothers of very young children.
I will create opportunities for pregnant woman and mothers of young children to experience the immensity of who they are, and guide them in seeing for themselves how they can provide an open environment for there children.
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